Search

SoftyPink n GloriousRed

…. the colours of life with my kids

Tag

Mother’s day

Happy Mother’s day!

… a bit in advance 🙂 And a very happy anniversary to this blog of mine!

Glad that it has survived the ups and downs…my writing highs and lows that is! Glad that it holds my thoughts and precious moments that I will cherish always..

Agreed that I’ve not been able to capture each and every little thing about my kids… but there’s a lot in here to come back to and cheer about. Spans six years and has some 350 + posts. And… hopefully, more to come! So, here’s to writing and to mommyhood !! 🙂

Lillies 2
Lillies 3
Lillies 4
Lillies 5

Hope you liked the flower pics 🙂 All of them from one single pic, each with a different treatment! Its amazing how easy it is to digitally manipulate the pics!! The 2nd pic is closest in colour to the original one. A soft pink… a pretty pretty pink 🙂

The parenting jig!!

This Mother’s day I’m in a rather introspective mood.
The thoughts are abuzz since a few days.. and I was wondering if I should write about this at all or not.

In the early years of motherhood I’ve been very short tempered, easily venting out my frustrations. This was due to so many things going on at that time and I hardly realized or even considered the impact that it would have on others esp Ammu.

Ammu turned out to be short tempered too. Even as young as 2-3 years old, she’d yell and tell others off when she disliked something or when things did not go her way. There definitely was a sense of entitlement and tinge of rudeness to go with it. I countered this with more yelling and more often than not it led to an altercation with my dad. Rarely did I handle such behavior with a cool temper and soft words.

Dad was worried about the impact my temper would have on her. My thinking was that she would ‘adjust’ to her mom’s ways. Did we not grow up that way.. putting up with our parent’s quirks! A chance meeting with a counselor a couple of years ago made me do a ‘U’ turn on that. She told me that to reform my child, I’d have to reform. ‘Learn to manage your temper and she’ll learn to handle hers.’ is what she had said.

A change in my circumstances also helped me to manage my emotions better. Nothing happened overnight but definitely things have changed for the better, at least where my temper is concerned. I mostly yell only after repeated requests and warnings have yielded no results. Or when she insists on having her way when I’m really tired or busy with some other important stuff and she refuses to acknowledge that. Times when I yell and then regret are very very rare now.

The catch, however, is that she has not changed one bit.No amount of counselling, cajoling, explaining has made any effect. She’s even more stubborn now and insists on going on and on till she gets a whacking! The sense of entitlement is bigger and there is defiance in her manner and words, which generally comes across as being rude and disrespectful.

Between Ammu and Adi, there is one upmanship all.the.time.This of course leads to arguments and fights. Frankly speaking it has only gotten worse this summer vacation. Adi, though naughty and has a i’ll-do-what-i-want attitude, is the softer of the two. He relents much more easily when she requests or asks him something. Now, our worry is that her rebellion is rubbing off on him also and that is the reason he gets into a ti-for-tat mode. Not entirely sure of this. Though we hope that if Ammu is a bit considerate, it will have a positive effect on him. Of course, these are all conjectures and we never really know what to expect.

Not that she doesnt realize all the pain that she is causing. She does and even regrets her actions and promises to behave henceforth. But then, when things dont go her way, she immediately flares up and refuses to see reason. And, she expects everyone around to toe her line and fall in place. So the flaring up happens quite often. And, no one is spared! It is her own expectations that is causing her misery and that is a cause of great agony for all of us.

Since a couple of weeks, we all have been witness to her outbursts at one time or other and we’ve been worrying about how best to go about handling this. One constant thought is ‘where did i go wrong.. have i been too lenient.. have i not imparted any values to her’. I know it is a collective influence of all the people around her that has shaped her, but I feel the primary responsibility is mine.

Many a times, things have become clearer once I put my thoughts down in writing. This time too, I hope that the cloud will clear and I will see the way ahead. I believe that she will eventually turn out alright. She is sensitive and hopefully will become sensible too! This phase is a difficult one. I never worried when people spoke about teen and pre teen mood swings/tantrums, etc. But looks like I should brace myself up to expect the worst and then handle it in the best possible way. This year she turns 10 and then the years ahead .. I wonder what awaits us! Need all the positive vibes and good wishes to brave this one!!

P.S: This blog turns 5 !!  And..this is the 350th post!! Yayy!! 🙂

Ammu’s art..

Ammu’s creation for Mother’s day!

Ammu drew this on her own and coloured it using crayons. The 2 human figures represent me and her 🙂

Linking this to the July Artsy Craftsy at Mindful Meanderings!

Dear Mummy..

I so wish you were here…

She loves him, adores him to bits. She fights with him, bickers with him over TV time and the remote. She fights us all… for him… fiercely protects him 🙂 we’re not allowed to say anything to him or about him even in passing that she considers inappropriate. In a way she’s devoted to him 😀 She sheds copious tears when he has to go to Mysore.. and tells that he should never ever go again….

Its wonderful and heart warming to see this granpa – granddaughter relationship 🙂 And at each instance, even as my heart fills up with pride n joy, I’m only reminded of you… of how she would have loved you so… of all that happiness…the lil joys. Had you been here ..with us. Oh how i miss you! Miss seeing and experiencing the lovely bond between her and you!!

It kinda hurts to know that she cannot even relate to you.. for you werent around when she came into this world!! Oh mummy, i wish..i wish you were here… more than ever… for her.. for you… for us!!!

A simple soul…

She was born in a conservative middle class family. She had a flair for learning, and education helped her get out of the shackles of  age old thinking and orthodox customs…

She braved all odds and joined work in a place that neither she nor her family had ever heard of, which was a courageous thing to do in her time!

She gave her three girl children the freedom to think and to do the things, that would have been unthinkable in the place where she came from…

She never craved for a boy baby, at least her girl children never sensed such a thing…

She sometimes didnt let them go for the school trips, it was her love and some protective instincts that took over from time to time…

She refused to invest in gold jewelry and dowry for her daughters, since she believed in the investment called education…

She didnt choose the ‘reservations’ way, for she believed in her children’s ability…

She sometimes warned them to beware of their friends’ intentions, she didnt want them to be hurt for trusting…

She only trusted cool cottons, and her daughters followed suit…

She was a natural… no lipsticks and nail enamels, no fancy jewelery and accessories for her, and… her daughters never craved for these…

She efficiently multi-tasked, making everything seem effortless; its only now that they realize how difficult it would have been with 3 kids!

She saved up on auto fare and walked to work; just so that she could spend some more on her children…

She rejected the supposedly good marriage proposals that came, in favour of higher education for the girls…

She made sure that they are well educated and hoped that they secure financial independence…

She didnt talk about feminism or equal rights, but lived it… making her children believe that there’s no other way to live…

She instilled in them, values and a sense of pride, rather than traditions and customs. She made them what they are !!

She never taught them using words but endeavoured to imbue the lessons through her actions.

She was a visionary in her own way, our Mom!!

An year ago, on Mother’s day, overcome by emotions, i started this blog! Today, i fondly remember my mother and think of all that she has passed on to us. A blog post can never do justice to my feelings… coz they would fill an ocean and more. Nevertheless, i’m writing down some of the very significant things that have touched and shaped our lives!! Hoping to pass on these values to our children!!!

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and also to the children who celebrate their mothers!

ETA: Added a few more thoughts and nominating this post to BlogAdda’s ‘Tribute to your Mom‘ contest. Here’s a gift for my mom, courtsey Pringoo .. though words can never tell how much we miss her! Also seen on the sidebar.


On Mother’s day!

Three cheers to Ammu n Adi…for giving the joys of motherhood…for helping me rediscover my strengths and making life sooooooooo colourful and soooooooo full of life..

Thinking of Mother’s day, my mind is filled with mixed feelings n thoughts…memories of my mom and the memories of my own journey to motherhood. My mom’s simple joys, her struggles and battles..my own little struggle n my joys of being a mother…all at once. Though my mom is no more, I’m sure that she is with us all the time..in our joys..n our struggles..giving support n helping us be better humans. She’s the bond that holds us sisters together n I hope n wish that we remain like this for all times to come…bonding ever more n supporting each other through thick and thin…

Bless us Mom, so that we can live our lives with courage and conviction…just as you would have wanted us to.

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑