Motherhood!!

 A tag after quite a long time… and an interesting one too 🙂

When Momofrs passed on this one to me, I wondered what to write! Much has already been written by the others and I have been nodding my head in agreement at most things. Coz motherhood does make you go through all of that… at least in bits here n there. And so I wondered what else did I learn?

The thoughts then began flowing … Not sure if its about learning per se, but mostly its about the kind of person I’ve become … about how I’ve evolved personally since I became a mother.

1. Before and during pregnancy, my health was in a bad state. Medications for the arthritis had led to a host of other problems and had left my system in a pathetic condition. And I had given up on a cure. My doc did the best she could to find the root cause and help in whatever way she could. She took great care and though I didnt improve much, I had a relatively safe n normal delivery!!  However, with low temperatures the stiffness of joints would be back and would not allow me to even hold my lil one at times. It was hopelessness of a huge magnitude that I felt at that time. The feeling is undescribable!! It was a kind of turning point for me. Made me realize that I need to take good care of myself if I had to take care of her!! .. and all the others around me.
2. Loss of health had made me a terrible person. I was highly irritable and had kind of lost my bearings. I had given up on myself and was literally down in the dumps. With her arrival, cheer returned to my life. And slowly but surely, with the support of my dear ones, I turned around. I realized that I have it in me to create the life that I desire and from then on there has been no looking back. ‘Dont worry.. she is a fighter’ a doctor had told me once when I was worried about her health. And she has inspired me to be a fighter and not give up easily.
3. Ammu has cystal clear memory. I have always been amazed when she narrates incidents… places things n people in context. And when I think back, I realize we all have memories of incidents, people, places that made the most impact on us… either in a positive or a negative way. Also, I realized that memories are special. And we need not do crazy stuff to create them. Just everyday moments of togetherness… a ritual.. an activity can be so memorable. Just the other day, Ammu made a new friend. When he asked her about me… she said ‘My mamma makes drawings, does art n craft and goes to office’!! 😀 Could I ask for more?
4. Kids see something nice and they are delighted!! They have the ability to be surprised at lil things.. at silly games… even when there is not much novelty in those. They can make mistakes and laugh out loud!! There is a sense of awe every time we get them stuff that they are crazy about… like books n pencils for Ammu!! They’ve always been special for her 🙂 And I wonder whether we appreciate things the same way as they do? I have always adored nature .. the plants, flowers, the sky the animals… But now it is more with a sense of awe which has been rekindled by the presence of lil ones. Awe at the beauty in lil things.. in their precious smiles. Awe at the process of creation… much like the tiny one created out of myself 🙂 which continues to inspire awe in me even now!!
5. One day when I was shouting at Ammu for something she had done/not done..no idea what it was.. she just said ‘what you are telling mamma? I cant understand anything’!!  I get annoyed and most of the times my response has been to yell. Yell out do’s and dont’s… instructions. Or just yell out my helplessness. Hoping that the other person will get my point. It has taken so many years and a lil one to let me know that yelling never serves the purpose. It was a revelation of sorts for me !! I have now sobered down quite a bit. And tell things slowly when I have to get across my message to her 🙂 With others.. I know its an uphill task.. but at least I make an effort to be aware of my emotions and my intentions.

Well! these are the 5 for the tag. And then there are a lots of other things.. most important being that I truly realized what ‘kids learn what we do and not what we tell’  means 😀 Am trying really hard to undo the damage.. but I wonder! Only time will tell… keeping my fingers crossed!!

As for tagging 5 people, most mommy bloggers that I know of have already been tagged. If you’re a mommy blogger and have not been tagged yet , please take this up 🙂 I’ll surely visit and read your version if you will leave me a link 🙂