Here i wrote about EQ. Now,it is 'Consistency' the next big buzzword!!
Be consistent in what you say and what you do – changing your stance every other day confuses the child, inconsistency between spouses, between parents and grandparents need to be resolved [though not in his/her presence], so that a finite set of rules or conditions are to be followed.
This seems to be a bane in most homes, consistency or rather, the lack of it! It is the cause of many unpleasant episodes… that could range anywhere from little arguments … to heated battles 😦 Of course, as parents, we learn about consistency/inconsistency and its effects over a period of time. Through experience 🙂 But knowing about this simple parenting rule at the outset, makes a whole lot of difference! Though, achieving this state of consistency is another ball game altogether!!
As for me, I learnt it with experience! Dad disapproved of my ways of handling Ammu in certain situations and we would get into arguments and altercations, which i’ve mentioned previously also. I had tried telling him many times that his interference will be construed by her, as acceptance of her behavior. And would make it look like I’m being strict unnecessarily 😦 But it never had much impact on my dad initially. He just didn’t want me to yell at or spank his dear darling princess! No matter what she did 😯 His reasoning was that yelling and spanking is no way to handle small kids. And, each time… he would go… ‘You just wait for another year… she’ll understand you better and will do as you say’
Sometimes I disapproved of his methods to maintain status quo. He would generally relent to all her demands. Mostly she used to ask for note books, pencils, erasers, sharpeners… such stuff. She would pester him to buy, even when she had plenty of them. And this I did not like. His reasoning was that she asks for books, etc and not toys and other such things. In a way he was right, but my concern was that she should learn to value the things that she already possessed. And just because he can afford he should not give in to her demands unnecessarily, is what I felt.
Initially, I didnt talk to dad about my point of view. I was concerned that I may hurt him, given the fact that I had no control on my temper at times, especially when i would get all charged during a discussion. But after a while, I just decided to talk things out and make him understand my concerns regarding Ammu’s behavior and his responses to her demands. And that has made a world of difference!! He is more accepting of my ways now and generally, we seem to be on the same page 😀 Also, over the years, I have trained my mind consciously, to be more patient. And that has greatly contributed as well. No, dont jump to conclusions yet! It is not all rosy rosy now… just that it is much much more bearable 🙂
I believe, this process of coming to a consensus, will have to be done over and over again as the child grows and the phases change… which will seem to be ever so often! As parents, we need to be on our toes, in sync with time and prepare ourselves mentally for each new thing, each new phase!
So, to all you parents out there… Best wishes for your efforts towards consistent parenting! Would love to hear your stories too 🙂 And… for the to be parents, you’ve got a head start 😉