Parenting skills revisited! Part 2

Here i wrote about EQ. Now,it is 'Consistency' the next big buzzword!!

Be consistent in what you say and what you do – changing your stance every other day confuses the child, inconsistency between spouses, between parents and grandparents need to be resolved [though not in his/her presence], so that a finite set of rules or conditions are to be followed.

This seems to be a bane in most homes, consistency or rather, the lack of it! It is the cause of many unpleasant episodes… that could range anywhere from little arguments … to heated battles 😦  Of course, as parents, we learn about consistency/inconsistency and its effects over a period of time. Through experience 🙂 But knowing about this simple parenting rule at the outset, makes a whole lot of difference! Though, achieving this state of consistency is another ball game altogether!!

As for me, I learnt it with experience! Dad disapproved of my ways of handling Ammu in certain situations and we would get into arguments and altercations, which i’ve mentioned previously also. I had tried telling him many times that his interference will be construed by her, as acceptance of her behavior. And would make it look like I’m being strict unnecessarily 😦 But it never had much impact on my dad initially. He just didn’t want me to yell at or spank his dear darling princess! No matter what she did 😯 His reasoning was that yelling and spanking is no way to handle small kids. And, each time… he would go… ‘You just wait for another year… she’ll understand you better and will do as you say’

Sometimes I disapproved of his methods to maintain status quo. He would generally relent to all her demands. Mostly she used to ask for note books, pencils, erasers, sharpeners… such stuff. She would pester him to buy, even when she had plenty of them. And this I did not like. His reasoning was that she asks for books, etc and not toys and other such things. In a way he was right, but my concern was that she should learn to value the things that she already possessed. And just because he can afford he should not give in to her demands unnecessarily, is what I felt.

Initially, I didnt talk to dad about my point of view. I was concerned that I may hurt him, given the fact that I had no control on my temper at times, especially when i would get all charged during a discussion. But after a while, I just decided to talk things out and make him understand my concerns regarding Ammu’s behavior and his responses to her demands. And that has made a world of difference!! He is more accepting of my ways now and generally, we seem to be on the same page 😀 Also, over the years,  I have trained my mind consciously, to be more patient. And that has greatly contributed as well. No, dont jump to conclusions yet! It is not all rosy rosy now… just that it is much much more bearable 🙂

I believe, this process of coming to a consensus, will have to be done over and over again as the child grows and the phases change… which will seem to be ever so often! As parents, we need to be on our toes, in sync with time and prepare ourselves mentally for each new thing, each new phase!

So, to all you parents out there… Best wishes for your efforts towards consistent parenting! Would love to hear your stories too 🙂 And… for the to be parents, you’ve got a head start 😉

11 thoughts on “Parenting skills revisited! Part 2

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  1. Thats a lovely post, Priya…one thats really written well.

    Yes, consistency is the key to good parenting. And I did make it very clear to my parents and in-laws that this is how we want to raise our kids and we dont like interruptions, when we are actually making the child understand certain thing. This is very important. When the patti or thatha interferes, the child thinks that this matter is not so serious. Glad that u and ur Dad are on same terms, regarding parenting.

    And one more thing, which you have written about – buying things when they already have – very true, we need to instill a sense of buying the right stuff and not waste things. Now, I’ve taught my teenage girls to decide for themselves – if they really need something to go and buy / buying something just because it takes their fancy ?? Buy what you need not all that you like – its quite difficult, but patience is the key word.

    Oh, gosh, these being my fav topics for discussion, I just wrote on…Best wishes to the Mom inside You !!! 🙂


    1. Thanks Uma for your appreciation and for sharing a bit of your story 🙂
      I see that you’ve done a great job and hope that i’ll be able to do the same! I started writing this… to appraise the situation and see where I am right now. It feels great to get inputs and support from like minded people like you. Thanks again for your lovely wishes!!


  2. Priya, very good points here!
    The thought about buying things and understanding their value – it does apply to all of us, irrespective of age and am glad you are all for Ammu developing that habit from the very beginning 🙂

    And the thought about consistency – its again very important we all stick to it in our daily lives!

    Nice post 🙂


    1. Thanks Swaram! Its all ingrained in us since childhood… I’m just trying to pass that on 🙂
      And you’re right about consistency; applies to daily life as much as it does to parenting!


  3. Wow, a topic dear to my heart. Consistency in parenting.
    “…knowing about this simple parenting rule at the outset, makes a whole lot of difference”
    Yes it does. I am a firm believer in it. I hate it when grandparents support children when parents are disciplining them. I have had to take a firm stand against my parents and in-laws against their interference right from the beginning. Not that anyone liked it. But they ended up giving me grudging admiration of a job well down years down the line. 😉


    1. Thanks Shail for sharing your story! Good to know that you’ve succeeded in your efforts! And yes.. they cant help but admire na 🙂
      Welcome here! M glad of your visit 🙂


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